i rally dont understand why can't you face your true feelings.
its really stupid and miserable.
you are not only making yourself miserable but also the opposite party.
like.FOR WHAT U HAVE TO DO THIS!
it wont give you any better advantages.
in fact.u might lose out in the end.
and lose everything,everyone.
i have a feeling.
and that is:YOU ARE TAKING THEM FOR GRANTED.
you are not treasuring them at all.
friends are made for you to treasure them.
and are not made for you to compete and challenge to see who is bigger.
if it is this case.
u might as well dont make friends.
be a loner.